You work out of a Hotel?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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