During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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