i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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