god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
