We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize