is wine microwaveable?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
