Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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