he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize