Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize