Slut skills are useful in every country.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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