In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
