the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
