Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
