im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
