I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
