Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize