apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
