You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
