My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
