The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
