i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
