yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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