Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize