Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
