Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize