hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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