Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
