Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
