shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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