Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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