they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
