Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
