he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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