omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
there is glitter all over my balls
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
