Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
