i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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