i just wanna soil my oats bro
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My vagina just clenched in fear
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
