God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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