Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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