there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
