Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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