I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
