hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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