I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
