Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I supernannyed him into submission
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
