OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
