If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
