He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
