I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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