You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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