people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we're making bets on your personal life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
