OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
