Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
