Duck Duck Cougar?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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