ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
