that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
