this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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