Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize