i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
