pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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