I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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