I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh god it's open bar.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
