Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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