A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
