Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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