I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
