i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize