You work out of a Hotel?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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