Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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