Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
