worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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