i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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