I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
