Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
bring money and cleavage
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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