...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
