i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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