My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
this is an emotional support booty call
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
