Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think I am morally bankrupt
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
