omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize