You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
