with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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