Don't make out with my wife yet
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
