if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
