google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
