I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
