shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
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