I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
