He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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