I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize