I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
