i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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