I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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