the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
