I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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