see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
third nipple confirmed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
