I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Randomize
