Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
