I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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