I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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