i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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