Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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