Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize