Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i came on her dog
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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