I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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