I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
