Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
