Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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