I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
