I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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