u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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