In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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