Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
