I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
