So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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