Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
